Tall tales and true: Strategically yours

By Susan Merrell

I’m a journalist, people tell me things – lots of things. The information ranges from the factual to the fanciful and everything in between.
Some want to see justice done through the media, others just want their story told, while some try to use the media, through me, for mischievous purposes and for all sorts of reasons, including to make me appear foolish and gullible by publishing their lies.
So I’m cautious, but just occasionally a story is run past me that is so fantastical, so amusing that it would be a travesty not to share it.
However, I must caution the reader that the source of my source is “talk amongst politicians” meaning not even his sources are sure – so let’s call it a fairy tale for you to enjoy with your sandwich over lunch.

Once upon a time there were two high-ranking government officials who wanted to get married (let’s call them Bill and Hillary for ease of identification).

Well… actually… Bill desired the marriage, I’m not so sure about Hillary. So while I’m not saying for certain that she was less enthusiastic, she did seem to have little say in the process.

For both Bill and Hillary were married to other people, in fact, Bill had many wives. What’s more, while I’d like to tell you readers that they had fallen madly in love, (everyone loves a love story) – that’s not certain either.

Given their high-ranking positions it could have been convenience that was driving their desire (or rather – his desire) or it could be that the union would prove politically strategic for them both – a bit like the marital alliances that were forged in Europe long ago – I’m thinking here Louis the Sixteenth of France and Marie Antoinette daughter of the Holy Roman Emperor – (Yes, yes, I know, perhaps not the greatest example – I mean, didn’t that all end in tears? But that may just be how our story ends too.)

The marital status of Bill was no obstacle to their union – not in PNG – but Hillary’s could have been a real sticking point to the intended nuptials had it not been for the fact that in PNG high-ranking government officials have ‘means’ and, in PNG, women can be bought (or so it seems if you believe the “talk amongst politicians.”)

And that’s what purportedly happened: Hillary was traded by her then lawful husband for “…K2 million, a Toyota fully kitted 10 seater Landcruiser and a young beautiful lass from Central.”

So with everyone happy with their lot (I suppose)– the marriage took place between Bill and Hillary.

I’m sensing you are sceptical – I mean what did the “young beautiful lass from Central have to say about this and wouldn’t Hillary and her husband need to divorce first? – or is this just my western ethos spoiling a good story – because it gets better.

It seems that the union was indeed strategic and Bill is now using Hillary’s bank account to cover up questionable payments to even more government officials (in the six-figure range) in order to effect Bill’s (and perhaps Hillary’s too) strategic plans – whatever they be.

Purportedly these illegal payments have been made to the most unlikely of suspects. Social media darlings even – or so the legend goes.