By PNG Echo
I have been advocating in the space of gender-based violence now for a dozen (or more) years and can honestly say that I feel I’ve achieved a huge ‘zero.’ Many women have been at it for a lot longer than this, some are at the coal face and many of these women are tired, discouraged and burnt out. And it’s not only us older generation. In fact, I was forced to confront the question of where we are going wrong from a message that was sent to me by a young, esteemed colleague, herself an avid campaigner against violence against women in Papua New Guinea who has been a victim of this scourge herself – first-hand experience.
My colleaguie had, as she frequently does, put herself in the firing line to save a young woman from the sort of abuse that would make the RSPCA (an NGO against cruelty to animals) cry in horror. It was all going well – she’d saved the young, abused girl from a very powerful and violently-abusive man – until it wasn’t. This is what my colleague said to me:
“It’s just depressing! It’s like you went out to war and realised no one’s at your back or by your side, and that feeling at the pit of your stomach, knowing, today, you lose!
You see, in spite of the considerable efforts, the victim went (happily?) back to her abuser, leaving those who heeded her cry for help standing dumbfounded as her abuser smirked in triumph in their direction – he had already told anyone who’d listen that he was too powerful to be brought down and this just confirmed what he already knew.
Most women active in this space would have their own similar stories. There’s a reason why we start to think that all our efforts are futile; it’s only sheer, bloody, righteous outrage that keeps us going. But are we behaving like the boy scout who caringly helps the old woman cross the road, only to realise she doesn’t want to go there? – all good intentions but bad execution.
We all know the old adage of what constitutes madness. (Doing the same things while expecting different outcomes.) And I am, by no means, exempt from this particular accusation..
I believe that where we may have gone wrong is to assume (incorrectly?) that what we think is wanted and needed, is really not. It’s just our arrogant, post-colonial sensibilities that cannot bear to see our sisters being brutalised – being spoilsports, if you like. (Excuse the sarcasm)
However, there is a soupçon of truth in what is said about the ‘do-gooder’ (me included). Putting the ‘post-colonial’ card aside though: should we (i.e anyone) just turn our heads away from an ugly truth and do nothing (a bit like the world is doing in West Papua and what the Swiss did as the trains crossed their country with Jews on the way to the gas chamber)? It’s clear that my sorry, arrogant, post-colonial ass is proving incapable of turning away from the brutalisation of (many) women in PNG.
“…it’s only sheer, bloody, righteous outrage that keeps us going. “
A Transformation of society
It’s often been said that Papua New Guinea had the Westminster form of government (including the legal system) foisted on them and it never was fully understood, with many of the concepts being alien to the average person in PNG. It was like putting a square peg into a round hole. Yet, if the round hole is large enough and the square peg small – a square peg will go into a round hole – but it will not be a good fit – it will leave many gaps. In PNGs case, I believe that lurking in those gaps are the problems that beleaguer PNG – especially those that pertain to women. For although it is enshrined in your ‘Mama Lo’ that women are men’s equal, in PNG this is a concept that hardly anyone subscribes to (except when ‘being equal’ actually disadvantages women) and in this statement, I’m including women as well.
…the bible says that the man is the head of the household and that women should subjugate themselves to the man – the most enthusiastic idea that has been taken from the good book. (The bit about “committing adultery” – not so much.)
Conversely, Christianity gained its steadfast footing by overlaying its similar doctrines on established PNG culture and prevailing attitudes, making the faith easy to accept. Christianity established itself worldwide with similar actions well before it met with PNG. Pagan wells (in the old world) became holy wells, the Winter Solstice became Christmas and so on. What must also be taken into account when considering the gender problems of PNG is that most (all?) religions are misogynistic in structure and Christianity is no exception. So, what the Bible says just becomes a weapon in the hands of the abuser to justify the behaviour – and the bible says that the man is the head of the household and that women should subjugate themselves to the man – and although it says a lot more than that, this could possibly the most enthusiastic idea that has been taken from the good book – by both PNG men and women. (The bit about “committing adultery” – not so much.)
Prevailing Attitudes
While writing this, I’m cognisant that prevailing attitudes, like prevailing winds that (almost) always blow from the same direction, sometimes don’t – but that doesn’t mean that they don’t usually all blow just one way. Similarly, the prevailing attitudes of which I’m talking are (almost) universal.
no one challenged him on the underlying premise of his ponderings. In fact, there were many women who agreed wholeheartedly with him
I mention this because I want to cut short the perpetual argument that ‘not all men think like this or abuse women in PNG’ by simply acknowledging that fact. However, that all men are not abusers of women has not helped to ameliorate the problem – and it is large. Yes, abuse happens everywhere, not only in PNG. However, the problem in PNG is at the top end of the global statistics and there seems to be (so far) no viable way of containing it.
Women are second-class citizens in PNG. Legally, they may be equal, but they’re not really, are they? They are a commodity – to be bought and to be owned. And just like good dog owners, their master will train them to do as they’re told, perform certain tasks, never question their master and to be loyal only to him. If they are good, they will be loved, cherished, and petted. This regime is not sustainable for an intelligent human being, who has their own aspirations. A woman is not a dog. But even so, if she adheres to all of his expectations and performs on cue, not all men are ‘good’ – she’s still not safe – and the prevailing attitude is that the man has carte blanche to chastise her, if she falls short of his expectations (or even if she doesn’t) in whatever way he deems fit.
Reinforcing the prevailing attitude of women being second-class: a Facebook posting by a PNGean male recently stated the premise as fact as a foundation for his particular argument. He did not write it with any malicious intent (it is what it is – was his attitude) but in an endeavour to make sense of relationships between the sexes – as he went on to describe a woman’s nurturing but secondary role and how she should perform it.(PNG men are experts on most things pertaining to women – including women’s fashion – yes, more sarcasm- sorry).
Anyway, no one challenged him on the underlying premise of his ponderings. In fact, there were many women who agreed wholeheartedly with him – whereas my heartfelt (written response) was “Don’t call me second-class.” I was outraged, why weren’t my PNG sisters? And the answer to that is (as stated above) that: it is what it is.
Men in PNG are disproportionately powerful. In fact, globally, men are disproportionately powerful and there have been instances where, lately, the disgusting behaviour and abuse of power has been called out. The likes of Harvey Weinstein who used his power over the ambitions of women in order to have sex with them. Then there was the Rolf Harris and Jimmy Saville’s sexual abuses using their powerful positions – Google this if you’re not familiar – it’s been all over the internet.
Men in PNG are disproportionately powerful.
However, in PNG, it’s a little different, because PNG men do not need the immense power of Weinstein, Harris or Saville – they are inherently powerful in their own country just because they were born male. Their power is in direct proportion to the powerlessness of women – and PNG women know this. Hence, most women can’t survive without a man – there are no social services in PNG and what’s more, without the protection of a man, she is vulnerable to accusations of witchcraft and risks suffering the most hideous torture and death – something that would make the cruellest Nazi SS officer blanche.
Yet, even without the witchcraft element, there are still cases that make me weep: the woman that was so badly abused by her husband, like being whipped with a dog chain, having her eye socket broken – and that’s just for starters – who, after being released from hospital the last time, went straight back to her abuser. She said that she knew one day he’d kill her. It was that last assertion that brought me completely undone.
…without the protection of a man, she is vulnerable to accusations of witchcraft and risks suffering the most hideous torture and death – something that would make the cruellest Nazi SS officer blanche
For it is unimaginable to me, to ever be so desperate as to put my head back into the lion’s mouth for a second (or more) time. And herein lies the problem – my imagination doesn’t run to the horrors that many PNG women face – and so my efforts are slanted at what I am able to understand and, as such, are often misdirected.
Yet, even though you may be tempted to just label me a slow learner, after a dozen years, I believe I’ve figured out a few things.
Salvation is not possible for PNG women from the position she’s in at the moment
Salvation for womanhood in Papua New Guinea, will not come from her. A woman is suppressed, indoctrinated and most live without many personal resources or opportunities and often in fear. From this position, the chances of her picking herself up by her bootstraps are not realistic expectations – although a few very courageous women (Hallo Hennah Joku) have done just that, these women are exceptional so, by definition, there are not many of them.
What’s more, PNG women are not stupid and most realise what is achievable for them from the position they find themselves in.
The best most women in PNG can hope for is a happy, loving home with a husband who is reasonable and provides for the family: who treats her like a human being, a cherished partner who recognises that she has her own aspirations.
The problem is, this familial happy home (which, incidentally, almost never includes women’s own aspirations anyway) contains a sinister hierarchy reinforced in PNG (and maybe even introduced) by Christian missionaries. The Christian doctrine suggests that the female be subjugated to a male – he is the head of the household, and she is there to do his bidding.
She knows one day he’ll kill her
And so she gets beaten.
It’s bound to happen when you have an all-powerful man, puffed up with his own self-importance, believing himself superior to all females even if he’s an ugly, fat old (unemployed) man that can’t string two sentences together comparing himself to Miss World with an IQ of 140.
PNG women are not stupid and most realise what is achievable for them from the position they find themselves in.
In PNG marriages, he knows, (as does she) that she does not have many choices. If she needs help, appealing to both the church and her family rarely works. Her family often makes it worse by accepting compensation from the perpetrator – as if they deserved it because their daughter was beaten.
If he does beat his wife, he also knows (as does she), that there will be no universal disapproval – in fact, there will probably be approbation – “she deserved it” – “he’s only human,” – there are always two sides to a coin,” are the usual trite excuses that get bandied about. I have never heard anyone say “she’s only human,” because I don’t think many men in PNG believe it.
My answer to this problem (and many others would have agreed) has been for the woman to simply leave the man, have him arrested and charged. (What he has done is against PNG law.) I have assisted in this process on a number of occasions – rarely successfully. As with my colleague, after the initial rescue, you find yourself on your own. The rescued has abandoned you to fight for what she doesn’t want.
“she deserved it” – “he’s only human,” – there are always two sides to a coin,” are the usual trite excuses that get bandied about. I have never heard anyone say “she’s only human,” because I don’t think many men in PNG believe it.
What she wants primarily, is her man and her happy biblical family. (Men are not the only ones completely indoctrinated by Christianity). For the most part, she is content with the status quo – she does not accept that maintaining the status quo (subservience and degradation) will just get her more of the same. She has an ideal of which she’s finding it hard to let go – in spite of indications to the contrary – so she returns to the husband hoping he’ll stop physically hurting her. Perhaps it was really her fault last time could be the excuse.
I figure, that’s stage one: but when the beatings and humiliations become intolerable and have lasted for a prolonged time, she will maybe get to the stage where she’s wants to leave him, except… she realises that it is impossible. Where would she go? Who would take care of the children? How would she survive? Would she be in jeopardy of worse violence without the protection of a man? The answer to the last question is ‘yes’ – to the others, there are no answers – so she stays although: She knows one day he’ll kill her.
In conclusion: and some suggestions.
Stop expecting PNG women to be able to end their own victimhood from the position they are in today – it’s like asking a person with no legs to run a marathon – and win.
In the main, we have two prevailing situations: the woman who, despite the beatings, does not want to leave her marriage or have her abusing partner prosecuted. She still believes that things will get better – which, of course, they never do.
Then there’s the PNG woman who wants to leave a marriage and wants to lay charges of assault against her husband. (In many situations the woman starts out as the former and, with time and more beatings, becomes the latter.)
it’s like asking a person with no legs to run a marathon – and win.
What they both have in common, is that, at the moment, each one is likely to choose to return to her abuser because that’s her best alternative – God help us!
If we acknowledge this perhaps we can better equip ourselves to help these women.
I’m hearing a lot lately about ‘women’s empowerment’ a great idea – but they can’t empower themselves without the tools to do so – and at the moment, they don’t exist.
That runner needs legs not empowerment. I see appropriate legislation as a part of the solution. Laws are some of the tools that are needed to make those metaphoric legs.
For instance: in Fiji, there has been a ‘no drop’ law enacted. Now, in Fiji, to prosecute violent men, the woman does not have to make the decision whether to go ahead with charge. It will not be dropped at her say so – it’s legislated. No compensation payments clouding the laws of the land for them as there are in PNG – and no intimidation of the complainant either. There’s no point in Fiji.
Better, more effective protection laws for abused women is another area the legislature needs to look at. Many PNG women live all their lives in fear.
Together with appropriate legislation there needs to be government financial aid for women to get back onto their feet when they leave a dangerous and abusive relationship. It’s no good being protected if you starve to death. A woman’s alternatives (even in PNG) should not be to live with someone who beats her savagely or starve to death.
I know the idea of social security is a fraught one for a developing nation such as PNG, however, maybe it’s time to develop the nation in this area when it comes to women’s issues.
Stop expecting women to solve the bloody conflict while naked and vulnerable.
PNG finds money for first-class overseas junkets for HUGE and unnecessary contingencies and/or for sport when it feels like. PNG is also awash with foreign aid – many countries have expressed concern about the abuse of women in PNG – including the USA and Australia – what about providing a fund for social security payments to women who have left abusive husbands and have no other means?
The sexes in PNG should be able to live together peacefully, but not until attitudes change. I cannot see men willingly giving up the favourable status quo that currently exists – especially one that’s justified by their chosen deity – a deity that PNG women have also chosen.
I don’t know what to do about the prevailing attitudes of PNG men, I have no suggestions (not publishable ones anyway) but like it or not, PNG women are in daily conflict with men who are waging a war of attrition against them. The problem here is that the men have all the weapons. If you want to help PNG women, give them the tools to fight for themselves – or at least the means to back away from the conflict, so that they don’t have to continually surrender. Stop expecting them to solve the conflict naked and vulnerable.
One day, my esteemed colleague, maybe not today but one day soon, we will win. Hang in there.
